Crystal George Studios Photojournal

Age:  35

Occupation:  Christ Follower, Wife, Mother of 4, Counselor/Activist for Hurting Women

Q.  Please describe your ideal of beauty, however you define it.

A.  Beauty is not found in the mirror, even though I get tangled in that net way too often. Beauty is found in looking through a different set of lenses, in cracking through the surface to see the details, the sparkle, the colors, the life in everything.

Q.  Please describe where you find self worth in life.

A.  From the song lyrics by Kari Jobe, “I believe You’re my healer. I believe You’re more than enough for me.” On days when I don’t “feel” that, I choose to believe it. I choose to believe that what God says about me is true, and that I am precious. I must be worth a lot to be adopted by God as His daughter! From that belief at my core comes my self worth.

Q.  Please, in 2 paragraphs or less, tell a little bit about your story.  Where you’ve been in life and where you are now as it relates to beauty and joy in your personal life.

A.  Most little girls dream of their princess moment when a knight in shining armor will come and sweep them away to their happily ever after. I don’t ever remember those dreams as a child. I learned about sexuality at a very young age. I remember watching pornography videos and looking through magazines that were hidden in my parents’ bedroom at 8 years old. I didn’t understand what I was watching, but I knew if it was hidden, I probably wasn’t supposed to find it, which was intriguing to me. Looking back, that formed a sexual foundation in my life that would leave me deeply wounded. At the age of 12, my sister was having a party at our house, and there I was raped by a man much older than me. That was my first sexual experience. I didn’t tell anyone about the rape until I met my husband.

After losing my virginity in this way, I decided that I would never be worth much to anyone, so I allowed men to do whatever they pleased to me. Sex and rape were the same thing in my eyes, so I relived that night when I was 12, many times over.  While I did not prostitute my body for money, I did for love and acceptance.

I gave my life to Christ and began living for Him when I was 18 years old. I still felt used, and had no idea how much I would struggle with godly sexuality until I got married. God, in his grace, brought Todd into my life in 1995. He was different from anyone I had ever met. When he looked at me, he looked into my eyes more than he looked at my body. He cared about me, what was on the inside, and not what he could get from me. After a year of dating, he asked me to marry him. I knew I needed to tell him about the rape. Somehow in my mind, I thought he wouldn’t want me anymore. He didn’t judge me, he wasn’t repulsed by me, he just loved me. It was the first time in my life I can remember “feeling” beautiful.

For the first 3 years of our marriage, intimacy was a struggle for me. I wanted to please him, but I thought it would never be pleasing to me. There were times when I cried through it without him ever knowing. I couldn’t watch abuse scenes on tv or talk about the abuse in my life with anyone, not even Todd. After experiencing infertility I knew I wasn’t healed emotionally or physically from the abuse, and I couldn’t hide it from him any longer. He walked through this with me, pointing me to God the whole way. We began to pray together (yes we prayed about sex), and he did things to help me trust him, even though he had done nothing to lose that trust in the first place. God began to heal me in ways I can’t describe. As I let Him, God healed my emotional scars that ran deep.  I learned that the past only holds power as long as I run from it!

Todd and I have been married for 15 years now, and God has given us 4 miracles, our three biological and one adopted. I am learning that I can’t amputate my history from my destiny. God continues to use my story to help other women and girls who have been abused, and as God allows me to use my story to help girls and women who have a similar past, I get to walk into my future not ever forgetting what God took me out of… beauty from ashes!

Isaiah 61:1-3 The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is upon me, for the LORD has anointed me to bring good news to the poor. He has sent me to comfort the brokenhearted and to proclaim that captives will be released and prisoners will be freed. He has sent me to tell those who mourn that the time of the LORD’s favor has come, and with it, the day of God’s anger against their enemies. To all who mourn in Israel, he will give a crown of beauty for ashes, joyous blessing instead of mourning, festive praise instead of despair.
In their righteousness, they will be like great oaks that the LORD has planted for his own glory.

Age:  26

Occupation:  Big Easy girl, Roller Derby bootie kicker, Inspiration, Sister, Daughter, Friend

Q.  Please describe your ideal of beauty, however you define it.

A.  My definition/idea of beauty…hmm…beauty is raw and unpolished…unrefined with a dash of dignity. To me there is nothing more beautiful and inviting as a woman with bright eyes that draw you in close and “story lines”, written deep on a person’s face, which can take you on a journey without even saying a word. Someone that can tell a story by just being present is full of beauty in my eyes. The most beautiful women I have ever had the privilege of meeting have been those women who wear the weight of eighty years. Telling tales of long ago from a far away land of yesterday’s America. A woman who can take you on her journey of life is one of the great wonders of this world. On the flip side of “story lines” is the fresh face of innocence which delicately captures the essence of beauty as well. Ever seen a young child show kindness and love to an even smaller little one…be still my heart. No one sat down and taught that little one how to love a baby…they just did it. Like how a little girl cares for her teddy bear’s every need. Anyone who can walk through eighty years of life and still smile at the little things or tend to a stuffed bears growling tummy is beauty in action.

As I’m processing through what my idea of beauty is I had an image of some women I know come to mind. I hesitate in even sharing, but it’s so clear, this picture of beauty that I can’t stop myself. Granted, 7 months ago these women would not have come to mind 1. I did not know them and 2. I did not see surrender as something beautiful. These women I have flashing through my mind are women who are whole heartedly following Jesus. Not perfectly, but beautifully following Jesus. Hands down seeing Jesus in someone is one of the most amazing and beauty filled parts of life that I get to be a part of.

Q.  Please describe where you find self worth in life.

A.  Where I find my self worth. Man, we are going deep here…can we at least catch a movie or dinner first? Well, my thinking was so negative of myself for so long and it basically went like this: if I wasn’t perfect in every area of my life I felt I was void of anything beautiful. Oh America. I built my worth on something shifty and when life shifted I crumbled. I can say now that I have my self worth moving from what I say about me (which usually isn’t so great) to what is truth. This truth being what and who God says I am. Difficult and sometimes painful process but it’s so worth it.

Q.  Please tell a little bit about your story. Where you’ve been in life and where you are now as it relates to beauty and joy in your personal life.

A.   Two paragraphs or less tell you where I’ve been in life, where I am now, etc..two paragraphs huh? You do know that I am a woman and women tend to talk right? My childhood was riddled with abuse, hurt, neglect, and rejection. Most of what I saw as a kid growing up was pain and loss. There were few people in my life that were rays of peace but those are the people I remember the most. I have traveled through a whole life’s worth of hurts and I’ve still got a few years left in the tank (I hope). I knew nothing of love or hope or beauty. I held nothing with value especially myself. I was the lowest of the low and treated my body as such. I ran down paths of self destruction trying to ruin the blemish I thought I was. I ran from one addiction to another to try to fix what was wrong with me or to make myself un-beautiful. Darkness and death is how I would describe where I’ve been.

As to where I am now..I would not wish my past onto anyone..but I am grateful for the way I can see light and good in the darkest of places. I love that I get people..like really understand people who are at the ends of their ropes and I can tell them there is hope. Out of destruction came this desire to see others be restored and rebuilt. I would not have been able to even pretend to think this way up until about 6 months ago when I met Jesus. Oh how true it is though. I am being restored from the inside out and I get to show the same hope to other women who are in the pit. Crazy right? I have the privilege now to show the beauty of restoration. I bear the scars of a long battle with self-injury. Even in what others may see as ugly there is so much beauty in it because I see hope where there was once nothing. Just gets my heart beating fast just typing this..that because of the depths of darkness I experienced there is now even that much more light and hope. True beauty from ashes.

“All around hope is springing up from this old ground. Out of chaos life is being found in You. You make beautiful things. You make beautiful things out of the dust.” –Gungor “Beautiful Things”

Age:  23

Occupation:  Artist, Shoe Designer, Creative,  Server

Q.  Please describe your ideal of beauty, however you define it.

A.  It took me a while to define what I found to be beautiful; I found it by taking a step back and seeking beauty in everyone and everything. When you do this, life is so much more enjoyable and beautiful. What I have come to find is that my ideal of beauty is the uniqueness of something. Like a fingerprint… there is no one, not one thing that shares the same person, thoughts, or god given gifts/talents. We may be similar to some degree, but there is a sense of uniqueness to who we are. If you are aware of how unique you are and you focus, grow, mature, and cherish that uniqueness, it will shine through like anything. Anyone that can do this you’ll find breathtakingly beautiful. Ergo, when I look at something or think of someone beautiful it is unique to itself.

Q.  Please describe where you find self worth in life.

A.  I find my self worth in 2 ways. I above all else find my self worth in my relationship with Jesus Christ. I live in Him and walk with Him each and every day. I share the same thought with the apostle Paul … : “I have been crucified with Christ and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me. The life I am now living is Christ’s life.” Gal. 2:20

He is only way I feel of any value to anything.

The other way I find self worth is acts of service and loving others. I cannot express my love for people and serving them. The more I am doing for others the more I enjoy life and how precious everyone is. I am one of those girls that will go out of her way to make someone else’s day as bright as it can be. makes me smile just thinking about it.

Q.  Please tell a little bit about your story. Where you’ve been in life and where you are now as it relates to beauty and joy in your personal life.

A.  A few years ago, I struggled deeply with body image. I turned to bulima to get what I wanted, or should I say where the world wanted me. I wanted to just fit in, be beautiful. What I got was an ugly addiction, it consumed me entirely. My day revolved around eating. I woke up each day, excited to binge. I could eat anything I wanted, get rid of it and not suffer any consequences. That’s what I thought. What I entered into was a lifelong struggle with correcting my body from the damage of 8 years of bulimia. I found that on the outside I might have fit the part, but on the inside, I was a hurt, physically and emotionally. After a few years my body stopped responding, I tried to stop, and when I did, I gained more weight than ever, I have accepted that I will never be this super tiny girl; that God creates everything in his image, nothing could be more beautiful than that. Damaging myself wasn’t the way to go, and I now love working for something that’s going to last. I still have a lot of work to do, but I am correcting the inside first and the outside follows. It’s wonderful.

I wish I would have never entered into such a destructive addiction but I honestly believe it’s made me realize who I am, and the gifts God has blessed me with. Today, I find that my true beauty comes from the inside. I found my niche, God made me a very creative person, I enjoy painting, creating, decorating, and party planning. I love these things because I am doing them for others. I find so much joy in serving and touching hearts. The excitement on someone’s face when I create or do something that they couldn’t find anywhere else, makes my heart so happy. That’s beauty, finding something inside you that no one can see on the outside. So, I am beautiful not because of what the world thinks, my heart is And in that lies my creativity, And that’s what I want people to remember me as, a beautiful heart not a size 3.